It's All In The Numbers
by Manchester
Summary: Another month of May, another approaching apocalypse - but Willow has something else she needs to check out first. Set several years after 'Chosen,' very AU from the comics.


Sitting down at her desk early one May morning inside the Scottish castle that was the headquarters of the New Council, Willow Rosenberg switched on her computer, and she sipped from her coffee cup while the woman with auburn hair waited patiently for everything to power up. When this finally happened, the Red Witch checked her e-mail first, only to see superimposed over everything else on the screen her appointment list which had only one responsibility for today, but which was perhaps the most vital of all of Willow's work for the international organization charged with defending the world from evil. Leaning back in her chair, Willow pinched the bridge of her nose, while glumly contemplating how fast a year could go by since the last time she needed to do this.

Sighing, Willow again read the short message on the computer monitor.

XANDER - SANITY CHECK:

This rather ridiculous reminder was more necessary than most people would have ordinarily guessed. It had taken the Scooby Gang literally years to realize that a man now needing to wear an eyepatch had always been their rock, the one person who kept things together and reduced tensions among their small group that had safeguarded the Sunnydale Hellmouth. More than a decade later, Xander Harris did the same thing for a worldwide New Council. Only this time, Willow, Giles, Buffy, Faith, and Dawn were determined that Xander wouldn't ever be overwhelmed by the responsibilities and pressures of his job of looking after numerous Slayers and Watchers, so they kept a close eye upon him, lest he crack under the strain.

Willow was the most conscientious about this. Not merely because he was her Xander-shaped friend, but also because he was literally the only guy on the entire planet that the witch trusted enough to talk her down if she ever went black again. Which led to the conclusion that _she_ had to return the favor should the worst ever happen, as Dawn had once dolefully suggested per the Harry Potter books, that Alexander LaVelle Harris might go dark.

Looking once again at her computer screen with that stern message on it requiring an answer, a resigned young woman now got out of her chair, and she left her working quarters to go find Xander elsewhere in the castle. It took a few minutes, helped (if you could call it that) by a searching Willow hearing in the building corridors someone's very familiar voice, whose singing prowess hadn't improved at all since a certain musical demon's visit to the small California city built over the Boca del Infierno:

"_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay_  
_My, oh my what a wonderful daaaaaay!_"

A stunned Willow now saw Xander joyously dance around the far corner of the hallway, gaily waving a sheet of paper in his right hand. As the happy man crooned out the last word of the song he was horribly performing, his one-eyed gaze fell upon a witch gaping at him. A moment later, Willow was gathered up in Xander's embrace and lifted off her feet, joining in her kindergarten friend's gleeful dance that ended with the witch being dipped, and then a big, sloppy kiss was planted upon her forehead.

When Willow finally got put down again, she promptly opened her mouth to demand what the hell was going on, until this was interrupted by Xander grabbing her right hand and proudly depositing his sheet of paper onto her palm, with her fingers automatically curling around this unasked-for item. Bewilderedly staring at what she'd just been given, Willow's ears were battered by Xander's triumphant whoop, "Read that, Wils! Hah! It took long enough to people to wise up, and my only regret is that I can't rub it in Spike's face!"

Willow stared first at where Xander had taken a few steps away in the corridor to start dancing again, only to avert her eyes from his dreadful attempts at getting down and boogieing. Glancing at what she was holding in her hand, Willow numbly started to read what was written on the sheet of paper, only to cringe when a voice that sounded like a vulture celebrating its arrival onto a dead donkey ahead of its fellow carrion birds started singing again:

"_Mister Bluebird on my shoulder_  
_It's the truth, it's actch'll_  
_Ev'rything is satisfactch'll_"

Determinedly trying to block out what was tormenting her ears, Willow concentrated on the sheet of paper, which seemed to be a list of…names?

_Top 5 Most Popular 2009 Baby Names_

_Jacob_  
_Ethan_  
_Michael_

It was only when Willow came to the last two names that she understood at last the reason for Xander's entire weird behavior today.

_Alexander_  
_William_

Accompanied by maniacal cackling, the sheet of paper was suddenly yanked out from Willow's fingers, and Xander jauntily turned and strode away from his bestest bud, jovially calling over his shoulder, "This deserves to be spread far and wide! I'm gonna see Giles now, tell him the good news!"

A suddenly worried Willow frantically called after, "Xan, you're not really going to show that to Buffy and Dawn-?"

"Nah!" dismissively said Xander now further down the hallway and still speaking over his shoulder, only this time in his most evil tone, "I think I can arrange it so that they're the last ones in the whole castle to know, so that when they eventually find out, both of 'em will show up in my office and yell at me in true Summers sisters stereo fashion, how William the Bloody wasn't all that bad! Oh, yeah, that'll really make my day!" Sniggering to himself, Xander now turned around the hallway corner, disappearing from sight but not from hearing, as a Disney tune horrifically began again:

"_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay_  
_Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!_"

A couple of minutes later, Willow was back in her office, once more staring at the message on her computer screen waiting for her to give her opinion about a specific man's mental state. Considering what had just occurred in the castle corridor, it was true that what Xander had just done was totally…normal for him. Her mouth curving in an unexpected wide grin, Willow started chuckling to herself, as she happily acknowledged that just like all the other times in Sunnydale and after, Xander Harris made life just plain fun for himself and everyone in his vicinity. So, that meant-

To the computer message of XANDER - SANITY CHECK:, Willow now quickly typed a short answer:

PASS.

As the appointment list blinked out of sight, presenting to the witch the remainder of today's work that needed to be done, Willow Rosenberg got busy, while at the same time unconsciously humming to herself:

"_Plenty of sunshine heading my way_  
_Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!_"

* * *

Author's Note: Today's _Parade_ magazine in the Sunday newspaper does indeed say that's the list of most popular boy baby names for 2009, which produced this little piece of crackfic. Hope you enjoyed it!

"Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" won the 1946 Academy Award for best original song, with music by Allie Wrubel and lyrics by Ray Gilbert.


End file.
